Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my poor anus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize