One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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