Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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