direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
