I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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