So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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