he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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