Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
3 2 1 whiskey
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
