Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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