I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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