Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
