That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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