There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
