the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
