they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
