After last night, I could never be a politician.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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