you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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