Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
