I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
