Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
