I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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