The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
