Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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