Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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