They should really pass out barf bags in church
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
