well I can't set my house on fire every night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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