I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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