Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
