HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
