a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
