I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
