I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
