She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
