Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
