Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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