We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bring money and cleavage
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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