i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
