Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
