How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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