i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
