I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
