This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
