Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
