i already hear my dad disowning me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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