an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
