I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
