we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
