I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
