The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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