This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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