I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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