thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
