Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
