the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
