I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
