Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
