Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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