i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
