The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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