marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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