Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize