I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
