I can tuck mytits in my pants
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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