Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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