Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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