i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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