You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
