I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
