a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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