I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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