When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize