I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
